MoonGoddess

Some days are just better than others.

Woke up today to see the scale heading back downward, still above the pre-christmas weight, but good to see a drop anyway. Gotta love a day off.  Going to hit the treadmill again today.  Felt good to be back on it last night.  I need to get back into the habit.  Feels good once I get started.  Don’t know why its so hard  to get going sometimes.

Just hope I can get through New Years without too much damage.  The goal is to take some healthier versions of stuff to the party & LIMIT the alcohol.  Last year was binge city & lets just say I don’t want to repeat that night ever again.  This year I am taking a bottle of Shiraz & a bottle of Champagne & that is ALL besides water I will be drinking.  No beer this year since I know that I don’t know when to stop with that stuff.  Also I am stopping with the champagne toast instead of a bottle & a half like last year!  Eek.

I’m making sausage cheese balls again, but this time with turkey sausage which is lower fat.  Taste even better to me.  Also taking some veggies so I know we’ll have something lower calorie.  I’m leaving the Chex Mix as is.  Gotta live a little.

I planned the New Years Day meal out & already picked up the veggies, so no pizza ordering & binging this year.  I’m going to start the year off right.  Turkey, garlic & cheddar omelets for breakfast, Grilled chicken, spinach & black eyed peas for lunch & then homemade lasagna for dinner.

I think planning ahead is going to help me this year.  Also I have a sober driving cutie lined up to kiss me at midnight & I refuse to hit the bars.  Just the dinner party.  I don’t need the extra liquid calories.

Ug.  on the scale going up is not what I wanted to do.  But there it was 3 pounds gained from my holiday from tracking & moving.  Sucks.  I knew I wasn’t being good but dang…

Nothing to do but really focus.  Yesterday I was exhausted from traveling then going straight to work, but I wore the pedometer & ended up walking 15 minutes before I crashed into bed.

Today I WILL be better.  I will eat good food that actually has nutritional value to it & will exercise.  So far I have taken the stairs a couple of times this morning & am trying to fit in a few more sets.  One good thing about working on the second floor.

I got to thinking about running again.  I want to learn to love it..or at least like it, but it seems I never have the time to do it when I have the energy.  Working full time stinks for trying to lose weight full time!  I usually feel so zapped when I leave the office, the last thing I want to do is workout…or fix dinner.  Which is why fast food has a hold on me.  Just have to find a way to break the cycle.  I remember when I was in the habit of working out regularly I craved it & it wasn’t a problem finding the energy…just can’t seem to find my way back to that place.  The getting started is the hardest part.

So for the past few days I was visiting my family & completely taking a break from it all… didn’t weigh in, didn’t wear the pedometer, exercise, watch what I ate or track calories…didn’t even feel guilty about it since it was the holidays & I know that New Years is bringing a reinforced resolution to get healthy. Ug. I just feel like a big ball of goo. Too much of too much! I didn’t weigh today (didn’t have a scale this morning) but I have worn the pedometer & tracked what I ate…so its a start. I have taken the long way, parking far away from work & walking & been taking the stairs for every reason I can think of… I want to work out when I get home, but its 6:30 & I am already sleepy. Guess I am making up for lost sleep. I already just want to curl up under a blanket in some comfy PJs rather than get on the treadmill. Forget anything outside…Its cold!

I did treat myself to a heart rate monitor. I have been wanting one for a while & since there was a big sale going on & I got some cash for the holiday..why not? My sister trained in cardic rehab (she is moving on to work with ultrasound machines now) & she has been bugging me to get one for years. Will be interesting to see how I exercise now & if its even in the right zone. I can’t wait to get it in the mail. Hopefully it will encourage me to get moving more & at a higher level. I want to be MUCH healthier by this time next year!

So yesterday was pretty cool. I started the Bingo Fitness challenge that Val started in the forums & yesterday’s pick was march in place 15 minutes. I ended up marching for 40 minutes… well I started march & ended up on the treadmill walking part of it. Still the time went a LOT quicker than I realized.

I managed to fit the urge to pick up fast food on the way home after working 10 hours & made spaghetti instead. Almost made garlic bread strictly out of habit, but then thought about it & wondered why I was doing it. I was eating alone, so it wasn’t for anyone but me & the pasta, beef & sauce were plenty… oh & the Parmesan cheese…I gotta have that! Amazing the habits we have that we don’t always need.

The scale was back up this morning to 181.4, so I guess I didn’t actually lose that pound… but I will. Could have been water weight or whatever. eh.. no biggie.

I’m tracking food (using sparkpeole’s tracker since I haven’t got the hang of this one just yet & all my stuff is already in there) & my sodium is too high. I used to watch that like a hawk & I know high levels make me retain water. Also I can’t believe how low in fiber most foods are! Oh well. I really need to plan meals out better, but it so easy to just grab the easy stuff…

Alright so yesterday could have gone better for first day determination.

I wore the pedometer, but only logged around 2750 steps.  I track calories, but they were higher than I was hoping.  I didn’t get to work out since I was at work from 8-5, then had to rush home let out the dog & rush back out for a board meeting.  I thought about doing something afterwards, but I ended up getting no further than marching for about 15 minutes as I watched TV.

I was shocked to see the scale dropped a pound this morning.  Could be just the normal fluctuation, but it made me smile.

I had such high hopes at the start of this year.  It was going to be the year I reclaimed my body.  I have carried around this extra for too long.  I know its emotional baggage & helps to give me an excuse when I don’t achieve what I want to.  I’m kinda sad that the year is almost over & I am not where I had hoped I would be.  Granted I got off track & I have LOST this year.  I am 18 pounds lighter than I was at the start.  Which I need to celebrate…..but I just want more! :)   Course it took many years to pack on these pounds & I can’t expect them to drop off over night.

I also have to be happy that I left the gift of cookies I received at work, since last night I swear I would have ended up eating like 3 & not caring.  Certainly pays to watch what comes through the door, because its going to end up going in the body!

So today I vow that I WILL work out.  I will actually get on the treadmill.  If I can only squeeze in 10 minutes, then that is what I will do.  I have got to get back into the habit.

I know what works & what doesn’t work for me…so why don’t I just do it?

So I actually started focusing on losing weight last January after a couple of conversations with my family who had decided that I needed to lose weight. Although no one else was in a healthy range, it was me they focused on. I was anorexic in high school & after a few traumatic situations, left that experience in my past for good (hopefully). I relearned how to love food to a point where I gained a LOT. When my family confronted me I was at my highest of 198 lbs, although since I didn’t weight often I mostly was more at some point. I have to agree that I didn’t (still don’t) like the way I look at that weight with my height of 5′4″.

So on to now. I NEED to get to a healthy weight. Its time. I turned 30 this past September. Since January 2007, I have dropped down to 181.2 lbs. I was down a bit more, but thanks to Thanksgiving & the holiday parties I have put a few back on.

So here’s the new start.

My goals are:

1- wear my pedometer DAILY. I know that the days I put it on & log every step I move more, which is really what its all about, right? I challenge myself to beat yesterday’s time & hopefully I will get to a point where 10,000 steps a day is easy for me. I will log those steps daily to track progress.

2- I will weight daily, or if I feel like its effecting me emotionally or getting to be an issue, weekly. I believe tracking weight progress, with the understanding that it WILL go up now & then due to the nature of being alive, helps to stay on track.

3- I will find an exercise habit that I can stick with. My goal is to start weight training again & get cardio workouts to be more of a habit.

4- I will track my food intake to have a realistic view of what my calories are. I don’t want to go on a really restrictive diet, especially due to my history. I do however want to realize the totals of what I am eating. Even on those days where I am over doing it. ( I know that there will be a few.. just the nature of living). I will rethink this if it becomes an issue. Should be a helpful tool, not something to obsess over.

ok so there is my start.