MoonGoddess

So after an intense & hard weekend with my parents, which left me feeling about an inch tall, I feel much better today.  My parents just know how to cut me down sometimes.  I know they mean well, but it doesn’t help when they complain about my weight & then want to eat stuff like pizza & Zaxbys for lunch (I adore Zaxby’s but its doing nothing for helping me lose weight!).  We settled for Arbys where I got a junior roast beef & small curly fries & drank water.  They complained that I wasn’t eating enough.  Wondering whatelse I was going to eat.  Huh?  They do realize that I can’t eat like that & lose weight to become the way they want me right?  argh.  Oh well.  Just made me realize all the things I haven’t accomplished in the past year.  I kinda have been moping around the past couple of days.

But today has helped.

I did my taxes (way earlier than I ever have before & thankfully I am getting money back!) & ….drum roll… I FINALLY broke 10,000 steps today!!!  At the moment I am at 10,304 steps!!!

I have been trying forever to do this & it just seemed so hard to do.

Might just have to treat myself to something nice.  New nail polish?  sport socks?  hmmm… I deserve something to make me feel special.

Now can I do it again this week?

So yesterday ended not so great.

I am struggling to get to terms on a situation with a friend.  She isn’t doing that great & some other friends want to step in & intervene before it gets too late.  In my opinion, she is just going to be pushed away from everyone & then when SHE WANTS help, she won’t feel like there is anyone she can comfortable turn to.  I just don’t know if I can live with myself knowing I did nothing if something were to happen & I don’t want to lose a friend by pushing her away due to judging her.  Argh, why can’t life be wonderful all the time?

I was really upset about it all last night & ended up doing the comfort food thing without even thinking.  I had gone to the beach to clear my head by watching the waves roll in & then on the way home I ended up getting a cheeseburger & fries.  It was a small one & just had cheese on it & I ended up only eating about half the fries, but it wasn’t in line with my calorie goals for the day.  Scale is the same this morning which I feel lucky about, even if I wanted it to drop.  Just glad it didn’t rise.

Argh.  I need to jog right now, but I am stuck to this desk at work.  Not even thinking about work, just wondering what to do.  I want to focus on me & my life right now.  Get myself healthy.  But I need to figure out something.  I love my friend even if she isn’t being herself lately.

So the scale doesn’t seem to be my friend lately… I can make a million excuses, hormones, sodium levels, eh….whatever.  I just have to stick with the healthy habits & trust that it will pay off sooner or later.

If I am going to stress over a number this week its going to be number of steps taken.  I am loving the new pedometer.  Yesterday I almost made the 10,000 steps!  Made it to 9394 before getting into bed.  Day before it was 7771.  I can do this & make 10,000 steps the low days.  On ward & up ward.  I have been on the treadmill daily & yesterday was stressful so I jogged it off.   Well first I danced like a maniac to a couple of songs to shake it off.  Seemed to work.

Still sticking with the ACSM program.  I have done 3 days of cardio & 1 of the flexibilty, but so far none of the strength.  Today I need to do that.

…that & actually get past the 10,000 steps.

I was watching Dexter last night & his sister made a statement that really hit home.  She was talking about moving past something traumatic & said something to the effect of… you just have to figure out who you are & who you want to be & stick with it.  Move past all the other stuff.  Kinda like believe it & achieve it.  So from here on out I am an athlete. No more I want to be, I wish I was, I AM.

….& man o man do I wish I wasn’t stuck at work right now.  I actually really would rather be at home walking my arse off.  Maybe even jogging.

ok so I shouldn’t say “nothing”.. who knows what could happen!  But I will not be stopped by the little things.

So yesterday didn’t work out quite as planned either.  I have to say I am really glad that I got the cardio out of the way early yesterday, because I ended up getting a bug or ate something bad & felt aweful most of yesterday.  Today has been ok so far, I just feel tired.  So no yoga yesterday… probably not today, but who knows maybe if I get to really feeling better.

I am going to try to get in at least 30 minutes walking today… even if I walk slower than a turtle & have to break it up into 10 minutes a piece.  I just want to keep getting in the habit of doing it.  Its not optional.   (well unless I actually start feeling really sick again!)  I know it takes like 30 days to make a new habit & I need to make this a habit.

Got the new pedometer yesterday which made my day.  Stinks that I’m not feeling the most active today but soon I will be blowing away those old daily stats!

Also ended up reading while I was laying in bed & decided that I want to start up the ACSM fitness program again.  I got the book years ago & started doing the suggested activities & got in the habit of working out to where I would crave it when I didn’t do it.  It breaks it down into extremely basic moves so I can do this.  I will do the Flexibility part at the least today.. hopefully the Cardio one too.   Maybe leave Strength for tomorrow.

I’m going to do this.  I am focused & I’m not letting all these set backs get in my way.

I’m watching the E! THS on fad diets right now & it just reinforces the fact that its all about eating sensibly & moving more.  I need to do the lifestyle changes instead of the quick fixes.

So I used the broken pedometer as an excuse to upgrade.  I ordered a new one that seems to be a better model than the one I had.  I’m such a gadget geek sometimes.  But it was a great motivator to get me going.  I can’t wait to be adding up those points, ..er..steps, again.

I ate like a queen yesterday.

A friend went out for lunch & since she knows I love the salsa from the place she was going she offer to pick me up some.  So instead of the pizza at work, I ended up eating freshly made ginger peach salsa & chips for lunch!  yummy.  Then another friend mentioned how good it would taste on some grilled chicken & BINGO! I had my dinner plans.  only I didn’t have chicken.  Needed gas so I dropped by the gas station & found the pricing have gone back up.  Missed the cheap ones I guess.  I also ended up dropping my debit card somewhere there & didn’t realize it til I was at the grocery store getting the boneless skinless chicken breasts (WHICH were buy one get one free!  Score!).  Dinner was awesome… grilled chicken over sweet baby lettuce & chopped carrot topped with the fresh ginger peach salsa with a side of the last of the black eyed peas.. yum.  Almost made me forget that I will need to be living on credit cards & the bit of cash I have on hand for the next week or so til I can get my new card & PIN.  Sucks… but boy am I glad I got stocked up on the chicken breasts!

Today will be better.  I have the day off & plan on doing some yoga & getting some quality time with  my treadmill.

Good luck with your goals everyone!

I’m so pissed. I have been marching my ass off all morning & walking extra steps to do everything. Was about to hop on the treadmill, because TODAY I was going to get as close to 10,000 steps as possible. I mean I took a friggin personal day to focus & enjoy whatever I wanted… & I wanted to hit 10,000!

F****ING POS pedometer hasn’t registered a SINGLE STEP. NOT ONE….WTF? I have moved it around to a couple of positions, NOTHING. It looks fine, hasn’t fallen in the toilet or anything.

Worst part is… I have a spare one, from back when I thought I lost it a few months ago.. guess who lost the spare one! Jeez.

…..ok….. so the important thing is that I am getting in the movements & the calories get burned off no matter if the gadget is working or not. But this just stinks.

off to search more.

I’m tempted to go to Dicks to get a new one, but I can get one cheaper online (even if I have to wait to get it in the mail) & my luck today I would get busted by someone from work. Plus I bet that place is pretty busy this time of year. They could be sold out or something & then I would have just wasted my morning….

deep breaths, deep friggin breaths.

Sometimes you just feel you can’t quite win.

Just have to remember that the movements & stuff adds up even when I’m not measuring it.  Something about seeing the steps add up is like getting points.  Makes me strive to get more.  I just need to keep moving & hope the scale rewards my efforts.

So I guess I have to push back the New Years resolution back a few more days.  I will still count calories &  exercise.  Maybe I will even read up more on how to get fit & organize my plan even better.  Still use the day off work to focus on getting fit.  Just not quite as planned.

I can get through this even with the brick walls I keep hitting.

Could always be worse… I didn’t damage any body parts!

stupid scale.

weighed for the first time in 2008, & it wasn’t where I thought it would be.  I want to go back to 2007.  I was up a few pounds to 183.6.  Course I should be happy I’m not where I was at the beginning of 2007.

Just need to move a lot today!  Hopefully I will be in the 170s by the end of the month. ….strike that… I WILL be in the 170s consistently by the end of January.

I’m tracking ALL calories today & will be getting in some extra exercise.  The resolutions kick into high gear TODAY.

So I ended up doing great new years eve.  Stressed out like a crazy woman about what to wear & how everything I owned made me look even fatter & ended up getting to the party an hour late.  Jeez.  I felt like a loser, but I ended up missing the dinner part of things & just ate the munchies.  I didn’t really need to eat the beef, pasta, potatoes, etc.  I filled up on the stuff I would have had to eaten anyway since it was the good stuff (the grapes, cheese balls, chex mix, monkey bread, veggies, crackers, etc.)  I skipped the dips & fudge.  I realized that I was saving calories since I skipped the meal.  So bonus there.

I skipped the keg & mixed drinks & stuck to two glasses of the Shiraz I took.  Even had the tiniest champagne for the toast so saved cals there too!  & the best part was no headache in the morning!!!

I haven’t done any of the normal stuff I typically do to stay focused.  I have forgotten to wear my pedometer til today & haven’t tracked a calorie in the past three days.  Haven’t even hopped on the scale.  I did work out & haven’t eaten unreasonably.  but I just don’t feel focused.  I’m kinda scared to get on the scale tomorrow…but I will.

I need to lose this weight & I know what works for me…. tracking!  Tracking steps, tracking calories (even if I’m not aiming for low numbers) & watching the weight daily.  I also need to take my measurements again since its been a while since I have done that.

Argh.. sucks to be getting back to work & life as usual.  I kinda enjoyed relaxing around the house a bit too much!