Update on me
Wow.
I lot has happened since I was last on here. Unfortunately not much weight loss, but I’m ok with it at the moment.
I am working on some other issues that hopefully will allow me to be better able to focus on the body stuff soon.
I have started taking some meds for my agoraphobia & in taking with the psychiatrist, we discovered that some of the anxiety comes from dealing with body issues. I dealt with anorexia in high school & some traumatic events woke me up to the fact that my life is pretty friggin valuable. I was aware that I would need to watch out for anorexic tendences through out life & make sure to stay healthy, but wow… I had no idea that it would still haunt me at 30! I have had some of the same feelings, guilt from eating, not able to eat in front of people other than close family, even started to realize the major panic attacks were in settings that were centered around calories or body focus (beach, shopping for clothes, etc.). Evidently the person I see in the mirror is not the person that everyone else sees. Weird. Never imagined someone who technically is in the obese BMI category would be dealing with this eating disorder again. I’m not underweight, so its not the same, but I need to deal with it & find a way to get myself to a healthier way of thinking & better self esteem. & surpris, surprise I am dealing with depression.
At first my therapist suggested that I dedicated time to enter a weight loss program & get a trainer to loss the weight faster than I am trying this alone. I am working more on accepting me as I am & still eating healthy & working out moderately. I am tracking it so I know I am in a HEALTHY calorie range instead of too low or too high, so it will happen just slowly. I want to accept me the way I am instead of living in fear of gaining weight again for the rest of my life.
So sorry I haven’t been on like I thought I would have been. Not such a great buddy at the moment, but I am struggling to figure out how to get back into life & learn to love me again.
Good luck to everyone in becoming healthy, active, happy people.
I will be on here more often.
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That body image thingie…. we often don’t see ourselves as others see us. That can be good or bad depending on the circumstances. Eating problems are horrible and do seem to hang around us forever, but we must try to master the emotions that produce them. Easier said then done. It sounds as though you are getting a handle on things. Hugs, Marge
Well, body image is a very tough issue. It doesn’t help that TV and Movies and all this puts imagines that aren’t realistic in our heads! I can say i relate to you, as far as being guilty after eating, and I did suffer from Anorexia in High school as well, and I was lighter than my current goal weight! haha funny how things change… but stay strong because you have dealt with it before, so this means u know even more to deal with it now~! Good luck tomorrow, and with your current goal! you can do it!
THANKS!
I am learning. I am just taking it a touch easier on myself. The psychiatrist pointed out that even in high school when I was my lowest weight I still saw fat all over & budges… uh yeah..My ORGANS!
Funny how perspective is just so strange sometimes. I have no desire to ever be that low again. I just want to reach a point where the BMI says I am in a healthy range & trying on clothes isn’t such a battle. A big part is accepting me as I am now, then finding a way to reach where I need to be for my health.
Thanks for the support.
you can so di it girlie !I too have intense feelings of guilt surronding food although I have not suffered or been diagnosed with an eating disorder I have wished that I could temporarily have one but puking scares me and i get too hungry to not eat…. I guess sometimes we get the feeling all or nothing but the truth of the matter is If i simply eat 1300 cals a day i Will lose weight without it being all or nothing if that makes any sense at all