MoonGoddess

Ug.  on the scale going up is not what I wanted to do.  But there it was 3 pounds gained from my holiday from tracking & moving.  Sucks.  I knew I wasn’t being good but dang…

Nothing to do but really focus.  Yesterday I was exhausted from traveling then going straight to work, but I wore the pedometer & ended up walking 15 minutes before I crashed into bed.

Today I WILL be better.  I will eat good food that actually has nutritional value to it & will exercise.  So far I have taken the stairs a couple of times this morning & am trying to fit in a few more sets.  One good thing about working on the second floor.

I got to thinking about running again.  I want to learn to love it..or at least like it, but it seems I never have the time to do it when I have the energy.  Working full time stinks for trying to lose weight full time!  I usually feel so zapped when I leave the office, the last thing I want to do is workout…or fix dinner.  Which is why fast food has a hold on me.  Just have to find a way to break the cycle.  I remember when I was in the habit of working out regularly I craved it & it wasn’t a problem finding the energy…just can’t seem to find my way back to that place.  The getting started is the hardest part.

So for the past few days I was visiting my family & completely taking a break from it all… didn’t weigh in, didn’t wear the pedometer, exercise, watch what I ate or track calories…didn’t even feel guilty about it since it was the holidays & I know that New Years is bringing a reinforced resolution to get healthy. Ug. I just feel like a big ball of goo. Too much of too much! I didn’t weigh today (didn’t have a scale this morning) but I have worn the pedometer & tracked what I ate…so its a start. I have taken the long way, parking far away from work & walking & been taking the stairs for every reason I can think of… I want to work out when I get home, but its 6:30 & I am already sleepy. Guess I am making up for lost sleep. I already just want to curl up under a blanket in some comfy PJs rather than get on the treadmill. Forget anything outside…Its cold!

I did treat myself to a heart rate monitor. I have been wanting one for a while & since there was a big sale going on & I got some cash for the holiday..why not? My sister trained in cardic rehab (she is moving on to work with ultrasound machines now) & she has been bugging me to get one for years. Will be interesting to see how I exercise now & if its even in the right zone. I can’t wait to get it in the mail. Hopefully it will encourage me to get moving more & at a higher level. I want to be MUCH healthier by this time next year!

So yesterday was pretty cool. I started the Bingo Fitness challenge that Val started in the forums & yesterday’s pick was march in place 15 minutes. I ended up marching for 40 minutes… well I started march & ended up on the treadmill walking part of it. Still the time went a LOT quicker than I realized.

I managed to fit the urge to pick up fast food on the way home after working 10 hours & made spaghetti instead. Almost made garlic bread strictly out of habit, but then thought about it & wondered why I was doing it. I was eating alone, so it wasn’t for anyone but me & the pasta, beef & sauce were plenty… oh & the Parmesan cheese…I gotta have that! Amazing the habits we have that we don’t always need.

The scale was back up this morning to 181.4, so I guess I didn’t actually lose that pound… but I will. Could have been water weight or whatever. eh.. no biggie.

I’m tracking food (using sparkpeole’s tracker since I haven’t got the hang of this one just yet & all my stuff is already in there) & my sodium is too high. I used to watch that like a hawk & I know high levels make me retain water. Also I can’t believe how low in fiber most foods are! Oh well. I really need to plan meals out better, but it so easy to just grab the easy stuff…

Alright so yesterday could have gone better for first day determination.

I wore the pedometer, but only logged around 2750 steps.  I track calories, but they were higher than I was hoping.  I didn’t get to work out since I was at work from 8-5, then had to rush home let out the dog & rush back out for a board meeting.  I thought about doing something afterwards, but I ended up getting no further than marching for about 15 minutes as I watched TV.

I was shocked to see the scale dropped a pound this morning.  Could be just the normal fluctuation, but it made me smile.

I had such high hopes at the start of this year.  It was going to be the year I reclaimed my body.  I have carried around this extra for too long.  I know its emotional baggage & helps to give me an excuse when I don’t achieve what I want to.  I’m kinda sad that the year is almost over & I am not where I had hoped I would be.  Granted I got off track & I have LOST this year.  I am 18 pounds lighter than I was at the start.  Which I need to celebrate…..but I just want more! :)   Course it took many years to pack on these pounds & I can’t expect them to drop off over night.

I also have to be happy that I left the gift of cookies I received at work, since last night I swear I would have ended up eating like 3 & not caring.  Certainly pays to watch what comes through the door, because its going to end up going in the body!

So today I vow that I WILL work out.  I will actually get on the treadmill.  If I can only squeeze in 10 minutes, then that is what I will do.  I have got to get back into the habit.

I know what works & what doesn’t work for me…so why don’t I just do it?

So I actually started focusing on losing weight last January after a couple of conversations with my family who had decided that I needed to lose weight. Although no one else was in a healthy range, it was me they focused on. I was anorexic in high school & after a few traumatic situations, left that experience in my past for good (hopefully). I relearned how to love food to a point where I gained a LOT. When my family confronted me I was at my highest of 198 lbs, although since I didn’t weight often I mostly was more at some point. I have to agree that I didn’t (still don’t) like the way I look at that weight with my height of 5′4″.

So on to now. I NEED to get to a healthy weight. Its time. I turned 30 this past September. Since January 2007, I have dropped down to 181.2 lbs. I was down a bit more, but thanks to Thanksgiving & the holiday parties I have put a few back on.

So here’s the new start.

My goals are:

1- wear my pedometer DAILY. I know that the days I put it on & log every step I move more, which is really what its all about, right? I challenge myself to beat yesterday’s time & hopefully I will get to a point where 10,000 steps a day is easy for me. I will log those steps daily to track progress.

2- I will weight daily, or if I feel like its effecting me emotionally or getting to be an issue, weekly. I believe tracking weight progress, with the understanding that it WILL go up now & then due to the nature of being alive, helps to stay on track.

3- I will find an exercise habit that I can stick with. My goal is to start weight training again & get cardio workouts to be more of a habit.

4- I will track my food intake to have a realistic view of what my calories are. I don’t want to go on a really restrictive diet, especially due to my history. I do however want to realize the totals of what I am eating. Even on those days where I am over doing it. ( I know that there will be a few.. just the nature of living). I will rethink this if it becomes an issue. Should be a helpful tool, not something to obsess over.

ok so there is my start.